I just read that the Attorney General referred to a terrorist that killed some UN delegates as “shocking and shameless”. I would just like to point out that they’re terrorists, that’s kind of the point.
page 44.A week ago I was assigned a "How to" project. I decided to do mine on How to fail a project. I printed out 63 pages of MLIA with a title page on top and handed it in. Today our projects were handed back, I got an A. MLIA
Today I was sitting outside of Starbucks. A teenage girl walked by wearing a T-shirt reading "Bite Me. (Vampires Only)." I then see a nine-year-old girl walk up to this teenager, bite her arm, and say "Harry Potter pwns," and then walk away. Her mother then told her, "Good job, sweetie." MLIA
Today, my mom got a call from my little brothers elementary school. His kindergarten teacher went around the circle and asked him what they wanted to be when they grew up. He answered "Happy." The teacher then responded "No...you don't understand the question." My litle brother fired back with "Well, you don't understand life." I now have no doubt we are related. MLIA
7. Saving Grace (2000) And who says the British are stuffy? Saving Grace proved that a movie could successfully blend snooty upper crust English society with some grade-A cheeba. The film stars Brenda Blethyn (who recently appeared in Atonement; a film which, coincidentally, is only bearable while super high) and is based on a script from Scottish funny man Craig Ferguson of Late Night TV fame. The plot follows prim-and-proper British housewife Grace Trevethyn who is left with a sizable debt after her husband passes away. With her life and country manor hanging in the balance, the widow Grace decides to use her well-seasoned green thumb to cultivate a crop of potent ganja. The result is a quaint, quirky and incredibly well-written movie that goes down smoother than a bong hit of Panama Red
(124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn’t upset me at all.
(916): I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
405): That’s the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
(609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there… (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris
(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs. (1-404): Two? (404): Two.
(401): apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
(843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that…
(843): got arrested for “breaking and entering” last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv…the cops told me they came in while my dick was out…oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
(972): Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
(314): Dude wtf I’m sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don’t even know who she is..
(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star…
(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
(519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba”
(386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he’d drunk himself backward in time.
(910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there—you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup—then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you “wanted water”. you then, fell down the stairs while saying “you don’t know me” then crawled to the couch.
(718): what happened last night? (917): u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style (718): that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
(270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I’m jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle.